Tanha

 Saath nahi, Tanha nahi

Tere pass nahi, tujhse door hi sahi

Tu Yahaan nahi, wahaan hi sahi

Saath nahi, tanha nahi

Tum bhoole Humein, koi Yaad nahi

Koi fariyad nahi, dil mein koi aawaz nahi

Bas khamoshi hai, ek parchaayi hai

Ik parchaayi hai, jo Saath rahi

Saath rahi, humare pas rahi

banke dua ek raaz rahi

Freedom

 Was I imprisoned before to say I feel free now

I have never been tied before but it relieves me now

What is it to grow?

To be one or to be more?

Is it to contain, to limit or to let go, and to release

This land is growing inside of me

The winter seems too cold, and the summers 

The summers do not seem long enough

A few months back I asked for an unknown God to free me from myself

To live this love that I felt and keep it there forever 

Whispered into her ear to let me go

By releasing the breath from my body 

Saving it like a moment saved with a photograph

Here I am instead, growing this land

Gasping no more for breath

Bearing new fruits, new flowers

Is this what freedom feels like?

The new Year

a year is gone

and with it I have changed

not just places and people

but me and everything that I was

I have moved not once but twice

I have left behind my thoughts

my paani puri, my peking rice

like a snake peeling off its skin

like a deadend to the street

I have been born twice

I cried that the year is gone

not out of sadness and its moans of compromise

but because the worst was over

the last years were cruel

To survive it feels like having made it in a duel

I was scared of existing

I wanted to crumble, to evaporate

become a puff of smoke

a pile of ashes, to decimate  

I left a home

to find me someplace new

the people, the city, the house, the country

felt strange and stranger 

unrecognisable, unmanageable

the anxiousness returned

the concrete felt like piles on stones 

one above the other

there were no people

no one I wanted to meet, to mingle

the friends, the lovers

no more than faces among others

no place felt safe, no room felt warm

it was time to move on.

Past, present...

Making new memories
But the past is daunting
Gathering dust in the mind
But sometimes it is just as haunting

Raindrops, a piece of music, a random smell
Can take you to heaven and hell
Is someone left behind
Intertwined

Silent laughter, faceless smile
This is how Death smells like

Rain memories

The whisperings of flies
Reminded me of you
While I was on a hike

Suddenly my thoughts were flooded
With you mumbling in my ear
The annoyances were softly replaced
By the sweet nothings in the atmosphere

I wanted to remember the feeling
Of how it felt with you by my side
But the thought of it
Brought tears to my eyes

I hid my sadness behind the rains
Like nothing had happened
There wasn't a speck on my face

July 1, 2017

Remember to forget

Oh how I want to remember and forget you at the same time
Add a little something here and delete the rest of the line
How can two people be strangers again
a diamond not be a treasure but a stone that hurts and pains


My thoughts always wander back to you
like they love to play the same old broken tune
Is it my heart’s way of forgetting you?
Or just another one of those random blues


I hate to let you go
but sometimes that is the only solution the heart knows
In some days, months or years
All these thoughts would disappear
Only then the heart will be free
There will be no we
There will be only me

Company

There are days of solitude
When I need company
There are days of silence
When I need music

It isn't as often
But those days are Pandemonium
Of madness, of wanting to be alive
Of wanting to be wanted
Those random days of happiness
That want to be shared